||These are testimonies (summarized) from current and former Pureheart clients. The majority of these men have broken free and now walk in consistent purity, but some have only been
in counseling for a few months, having just begun the process. These men represent a wide spectrum of ages, backgrounds, personalities, single and married, years spent in sexual sin,
and addictive behaviors from masturbation to sex with prostitutes, but all of them have changed dramatically. These are real men and these are their stories! If they can change, so
(For obvious reasons, we have changed their names.)
Pureheart's Counseling is Powerful!
Watch This Brother's Testimony Now!
Brother "Tom," Age 23
The first time I viewed a Playboy magazine I was in 6th grade a friend of
mine got it from his uncle. I was hooked after that. I took any chance
I could to get my hands on erotic material: Victoria's Secret
catalogues, swimsuit ads, MAXIM magazines, R rated movies, I even
looked for porn if a kid at school said they saw it on the sidewalk on
their way to school. I eventually got a stack of porn mags from another
friend that were more vivid than I was used to. Masturbation took off
and was soon a daily ritual for me. To make things worse I got
unrestricted access to the internet the same time I was getting bored
with those old magazines. I would stay up till 2AM before sneaking into
the living room for a private viewing session. High school rolled
around and I got my own room with my own computer. No wonder why my
grades were so horrible, the time I should have been spending on
homework I spent scheduling my life around when nobody else was home
and downloading porn on a Napster-like program that left a clean trace
on my browser history. After high school I got a girlfriend. Somehow I
was firm in my belief that sex should take place after marriage, but
that didn't mean sexual groping and mutual masturbation were off the
menu. Our relationship was never about love for each other but our own
pain. We both lied to and used each other to make ourselves feel more
secure. I finally broke the relationship off. Though it lasted for two
months it did severe damage and left holes in me that I kept trying to
fill with the wrong things time after time again.
My largest consequence I faced as an addict was the distance from God. I
constantly defied God and only wanted him present when it was
convenient for me. I never read my Bible. I didn't believe that God
wanted the best for me. My relationships with everybody suffered. I had
a mask I would wear for everybody. I didn't trust anyone and didn't
open up. I kept all of my pain locked inside. I was never up for making
new friends. I would lie to cover up my feelings and sin. My guilt and
shame made it almost impossible to face women. I never saw them in the
way God wanted me to see them. I only looked and thought of them with
my own worldly views. I spent so much of my time and energy involved in
ministries I lacked heart for trying to cover up the addict "Tom," that
I would lose sight of who God created me to be. I was so focused on sex
that I neglected the life God put in front of me.
Praise God for Pureheart Ministries and the work that they do. After
hearing Tim and Jay share their testimonies I had hope. I thought to
myself ďIf they can break free, I can too.Ē I signed up for a free
evaluation. I thought that my addiction wasn't that bad, after all I
was a single man in my early twenties, but the sexual survey and Tim
proved me wrong. Tim helped me to break out of denial and identify the
lies I kept telling myself to justify my behavior. He helped me to
realize that I was a prisoner of spiritual warfare. Once I began
fighting for my soul I didn't give up I was tired of giving up. I was
sick of Satan controlling my life. I made a game plan to stop my
behavior. I identified what I was fighting for, what I was standing
against, my strengths, and my weaknesses. The material I read for
homework was very helpful and proved to be an effective tool in
defeating masturbation, full of great tips and suggestions. One
suggestion that helped me out a lot was a tangible consequence. I first
set the bar at a $50 donation to Pureheart Ministries for masturbating
and then raised it to my $750 guitar to insure never relapsing.
Thankfully God created me with the gift of being a tightwad and Tim
never saw any consequence money from me. Tim also teamed me up with a
few guys from my church we meet weekly to check in and discuss our
struggle with sexual sin. It's been my great honor and pleasure to get
to know and love the men in my group. I am thankful to have open
relationships with men I look up to. They keep me accountable and me
helping them stay accountable helps me too. I can't brag enough about
my group. Pureheart works! If you are willing to spend the money for
counseling, do the work, and make some sacrifices you too can be free
from the vicious cycle that tore me apart daily.
As a single man I now have 14 months of consistent purity! No porn. No
masturbation. I'm so grateful for the work God has done in my life. I'm
a new man. I actually pursue God, not run and hide from him. I read my
Bible and pray almost daily. I set goals and believe in myself. My
communication has improved and I'm beginning to build healthy
Christ-like relationships with women because there isn't a barrier of
shame. My thought life has improved drastically, I don't find myself
lusting near as much as I did and sex isn't on my mind 89% of the time.
I've began living a truthful, honest, and open life. I have a huge
evangelical heart for men that struggle with sexual purity. I devote
myself to my Pureheart group and plan to lead one in later years. I'm
more active I care about my health and exercise more often. I make
better use of my time, I rarely if ever watch T.V. and I spend my time
doing what I love and fulfilling my duties. I give more generously and
have recently started to tithe. I've learned to be bold and confident,
and best of all I don't see myself as a pathetic, cowardly pervert
anymore. I see myself as "Tom," a man of God.
A Pastor's Story...
My One Year Testimony...One Year Free of Porn and Masturbation!
One year ago, I was at a near breaking point. My marriage was suffering.
My personal devotional life was almost non-existent. I was
leading the church from a place of timidity and shame. I didnít
want to challenge people too boldly because I knew I wasnít able
to see the change in my own life. The worst thing of all was
preaching and seeing my wife sitting on the front row. She was
in so much pain, and I knew she knew what was going on inside of
me. I felt like a fake but I couldnít help it.
Porn and masturbation had been a constant part of my life since my teen
years when I was exposed to it in middle school. Things
escalated from there, especially when we got internet access in
my bedroom in high school. I always thought I would Ďgrow out of
ití like when I went to a Christian college, met my fiancť and
started in ministry. I was wrong, wrong and wrong again. The
patterns of addiction were too deep, and there were a number of
practical avenues that I was not closing which left the Ďdrugí
available to me. I had personal counseling, marital counseling,
and even joined a Christian recovery group for 3 years. In all
of that, I had never made it past three months without
masturbating or looking at sexually explicit material.
I found Pureheart Ministries online one day and decided to give the free
assessment a try out of desperation. I really wasnít expecting
too much since I felt I had already done Ďall I couldí to get
free to no avail. Tim shared with me that he had a nearly 100%
success rate with guys who followed his advice step by step.
That got my attention. The first step was to Ďget rid of the
drugí by white listing my computer. While I had a filter for
many years, I always found a way around it by doing searches,
trying to Ďpoke holesí in the system- and there were plenty of
loopholes. I didnít think white listing would work because I
often have to use the internet for work-related purposes- and
because so many things happen online these days (registration,
conferences, purchasing etc). After setting it up, the white
listing has been a lifesaver. Because Iím restricted to only a
few sites (email, bills, bible programs, etc), I donít spend any
idle time surfing the net. That is something I am done with the
rest of my life. If I ever need a site that I canít access, I
can ask my wife at home with her present there.
The second biggest help for me was establishing financial
consequences for an integrity break. My wife was very skeptical
of this at first, and thought weíd lose our whole savings
because nothing had ever worked for me in the past! However,
combining consequences with the white listing proved to be a
very powerful combination for me. In the one year since working
with Tim, I had one incident where I did a search for
inappropriate Ďsoft porní images while logged into my wifeís
user. Paying the consequence reaffirmed for me the Ďstingí of
getting wrapped up in this sin again.
I appreciate Timís bluntness. The Pureheart workbook
follows the theme of WWII and at times, I really did feel like a
recruit in Basic Training taking orders from a drill sergeant! I
took it, however, because I know he really has my best in mind,
and because we truly ARE in a war. Falling into the enemyís trap
has HUGE disastrous consequences for myself, my wife, my kids,
my church, community and the Kingdom of God. I truly believe
that. I was losing my relationship with the Lord. My wife was
becoming hurt and distant. I was not connecting well with my
children. My ministry was suffering. All of those things could
have been thrown away in a moment of stupidity by acting out at
church and having someone else find out.
On the other hand, VICTORY also has huge consequences of blessing, life,
freedom and helping others to get free. I am so excited to be
crossing the one year mark. I feel like a new man. I have gotten
into better shape physically than any time since college. Iím
eating well, exercising regularly. My sex life with my wife has
greatly improved. I am more present with my kids and donít lose
my patience with them as easily. I am preaching with more
passion, conviction, and clarity. I am engaging difficult
conversations with people without feeling like I have anything
to hide. I am a better leader. I am setting goals and praying
and working to see them reached. I am excited to see other men
break free of their addictions. I have led two menís groups on
this topics, and am waiting for the Lord to reveal his next
steps for me. At some point, I hope to take men through the
Pureheart training- especially pastors and leaders who are stuck
like I was.
Going forward, I plan to live in integrity the rest of my life. I plan to
have a regular weekly check in for the rest of my life. I will
never do an internet search by myself again. I will always have
white listed internet. I will never have TV. These are simple
ways of Ďcutting off my right handí that are a small price to
pay for the blessings and benefits of living in freedom.
Six Month Update 8-9-10
These past six months have been nothing short of amazing. I used to be a
person that was carrying a secret that was choking me
spiritually. My greatest fear was being found out, that I was
addicted to pornography. It had always been in my life, Playboy
magazine, but when we got our first computer with internet
access ten years ago I was like a little kid in a candy store.
The last five years it seemed that all I thought about was
pornographic fantasies. I didnít really think I was hurting
anyone. I stayed away from child porn. and animals and I never
subscribed to any porn. sight. It was only pictures. That was my
justification and denial at work. I might have a problem, but
Iím not as bad as others. I had all kinds of reasons why I did
what I did. Most of them were family issues and I used porn. as
a form of medicine.
The past two years have been the hardest. I realized I had become very
short fused with my wife, and I started experiencing a lot of
guilt and shame after an evening of porn. surfing. I knew what I
was doing was wrong, but I just couldnít quit. I tried a few
times, but the longest I managed to stay away was two weeks. My
spiritual life had become a sham, like what I was reading
couldnít apply to me because I was full of self condemnation.
Two years ago, at the Menís N.W. Conference, one of the speakers there
was Ted Roberts, author of the book Pure Desire. He talked about
sexual addiction and threw out some statistics of church men
that made me realize that I probably wasnít the only person in
our church with a pornography problem. At the time I was in a
good menís group from church, and I felt fairly safe with
sharing my secret with them. Well, everyone tries to help, but
we arenít equipped to deal with the devil at this level. Good
intentions arenít good enough. You canít win this battle by
The following year I joined a second menís group. The main focus with
this group was accountability and the subject was sexual
addiction. This was where the rubber started meeting the
pavement. We were studying the book, A Cross Centered Life, by
C.J. Mahaney. Justification, Sanctification, and Condemnation
were some of the subjects we talked about and learned how to
apply these to our lives. At about the same time, Tim Davis from
Pureheart Ministries gave a presentation on sexual addiction at
our last menís breakfast. He presented data similar to what Iíd
heard before. At the end of his presentation, he asked if anyone
had situations they would like to share and a number of men,
young and old, shared on how easy it was to get caught up in
worldly sin, including myself.
The following week, Tim Davis called and asked if I was willing to meet
with him. He said the session had been prepaid. At the end of
that first meeting Tim stated that I was in need of professional
help. I stated that finances were an issue and Tim told me that
a couple of people from our church had offered to sponsor me.
At this time, I truly want to thank those of you who believed enough in
me to sponsor me through this counseling with Tim. Without it I
wouldnít be where I am today.
During session one, Tim and I banged heads a couple of times to the point
of quitting. That was my initial resistance to some truths that
I was in denial on. What I am learning is putting my trust in
God and to bring Him along side of me when fighting the devil.
Iíve found this is easier to say than do. One of the men in my
second group made a comment to me that really stuck. He told
me,Ē Brother, youíve become so complacent in your Christianity
that youíve lost your first loveĒ, which is God. This made a
real impact on me because I know now that I need to be God
focused. Iíve learned the more I focus on God, the more active
the Holy Spirit is in me. Iíve also learned that sin and the
Holy Spirit are not compatible.
It was during the first session that I realize my mind was clearing up.
Before my mind was like a fog with flashes of trash to feed my
fantasies. I also destroyed all my cdís and dvdís that contained
saved pictures over the past ten years. Everything I had in the
house or garage that was sexually related became trash. Paper
was burnt, vhs tapes were drilled. Nothing could be salvaged for
later use. Itís hard to describe the rush of joy when I drilled
the computer discs. and secured them together with bolts and
nuts. They sit on top of my computer cabinet like a trophy.
I have done more reading in the past year an Iíve done in the past forty
years. Besides reading the books from the menís groups Iíve
read, Pure Desire, The Shack, and Truefaced. All excellent
Recently, Tim asked me to identify all my soul ties to sexual sin. This
would be anyone or anything that caused me to sin against God.
The prayer Tim and I had with God revealing these soul ties and
asking for forgiveness was one of the most heart wrenching
emotional talks with God Iíve ever had. Step by step Iím getting
stronger because God is with me and the Holy Spirit is there to
help me along the way.
On July forth, I made another stand on addiction. I quit smoking. I asked
the Holy Spirit to take the lead on this and for the most part
itís been pretty easy.
One of the hardest things Iíve faced so far is establishing a consistent
devotional time. The weeks that I slack in devotional times seem
uneventful and ho-hum. If you donít put God first you know
whoíll be there to jump in. Summer time seems to be hardest to
find quiet times for devotion without falling asleep.
Now this is ironic. Iím struggling with devotional time and I get this
urging to read Ecclesiastes. If my understanding is correct it
says that mans work on earth is meaningless. We really canít
change for the better what God has made. Our goal should be to
worship our God and enjoy the blessing He bestows on us. I took
notice of chapter 7, verse 26. ďI find more bitter than death
the woman who is a snare, whose heart is a trap and whose hand
are chains. The man who pleases God will escape her, but the
sinner she will ensnare.Ē Some might call this a coincidence. I
think it was a nudge from the Holy Spirit.
My battle is not nearly complete, but itís no longer hopeless. God and I
are still dealing with issues of total trust. There are still
family issues, but Iím not using porn. as medicine to numb my
mind. I havenít used the internet for pornography for over six
months now. I hear frequently that Iím not the same man I was
six months ago.
Again, I thank you and my wife thanks you. God bless you.
I started my time with Tim and Pureheart in October of 2009,
having been led by God to his phone number, after a couple of
false starts with other attempts at deliverance. My story is
fairly mundane, but no less destructive than those more
flamboyant. I was a porn addict from a teen, being 53 now, and
married just over 30 years. My wife was the one that finally got
fed up with my behavior, my excuses, my accusations, and the
hurt she endured. She was the one that I saw dying before me,
and it cut me to the heart. Knowing in myself that I could not
do this on my own, I tried a couple of ďlong distanceĒ programs,
from books/workbooks, to considering email type homework and
counseling. Nothing settled with us, until I found Tim. After
one phone call, in which I was able to talk to Tim directly, I
knew within myself that this is where my path to deliverance
I was also a seminary graduate and a pastor for over 30 years.
As part of my healing process, I chose to take a sabbatical to
concentrate on my purity, which has opened the door to
understanding and pursuing my true destiny with the Father. I
didnít see it then, (Tim did), but my weakness and addiction was
holding me back from being what God wanted me to be. It
literally held me down, bound me so that I could not move closer
to God, or forward in my life. Furthermore, it was threatening
my marriage, which would have devastating effects on not only my
two children, but to the hundreds of people we have served in
our fellowship over the decades. I was at a critical impasse in
my life, and needed a strong, knowledgeable, brother to help me.
Tim was, and Pureheart is, just that. Psychological counseling
from a Biblical basis. Both health and healing in one package.
Over this past year, we have worked through his incredibly
thorough, and Biblically accurate, ďbriefingsĒ, and are almost
though them all. Along the way, he uncovered some hidden damage
from childhood sexual abuse and emotional neglect. We explored
deeply my ďemotional IQĒ, which was a HUGE breakthrough in my
life. Today, I am aggressively building my weak areas, with
Godís help, so that I can be better for Him.
My wife says it is nice to have a husband again, both in life
and in bed. I have never known such intimacy, such closeness
with her. And not unexpectedly, I am seeing the same closeness
developing with God. Where I thought I had a relationship with
Him, I was at best, an occasional acquaintance, not by His
choosing, but by my weakness and addiction.
Tim not only ďhelpedĒ me through my addiction, but even greater,
restored me to the place God wanted me to be, open and close to
Him. I have a ways to go still, but the growth, particularly
this last month, has been astounding. My wife says I am a new
man. She wonders what happened to the ďold FredĒ, but not too
much, as she is quite content to leave him where he is! She even
commented last week, noting that she couldnít believe that she
would say this, but she thanked me for being so screwed up, for
without hitting that bottom, we probably never would have grown
so close, and would not have moved so far and so fast together
with God. God allows in His wisdom, what He could easily prevent
with his power so that He can bring us to a higher place in Him.
This was true for Abraham, Joseph, Job, and Paul, and even,
little olí "Fred." There is always provision from God in any
affliction we are in. There is always strength in Christ behind
the weakness of the flesh, if we only press through the walls to
get to it. Pureheart, Tim, ministered to the base elements of my
weakness, addressing the physical and mental where needed, but
even more, inspired the spiritual, so that I could breakthrough
beyond the physical affliction to claim my place as Godís man.
Fred, age 22.Top
At 19, I was already going to adult bookstores and buying pornographic DVD’s. I had been masturbating
regularly since I was 9 or 10, moving on to porn when I was in high school. By the time I started Bible college, I was already deeply addicted. My thought life was obsessively
focused on sex; my mind was full of lustful thoughts and sexual fantasy. I knew what I was doing and thinking was wrong, but I didn’t know how to stop. I talked to a number of
people about my struggles, but they either told me they would pray for me or minimized the problem.
Hearing Jay and Tim share their stories had a major impact on me. I immediately joined a Pureheart group. I took in
as much of their teaching as possible, applying everything I could to my situation. I am happy to say that, even as a single man, I have been able to defeat the habit of masturbation
(I had never been able to break the habit before). I had initial 6 months masturbation free, and then relapsed over the summer because I didn’t maintain accountability during
those months. I now have an additional 8 months with 0 masturbation. During these last 2 years I have looked at erotic material on only 2 occasions, and even that was for a short
period of time. Best of all, I am now engaged to be married. I have been completely honest with my fiancé about my past—she also helps keep me accountable. We have stayed
pure in our relationship and have been careful not to cross the line. Thanks to Pureheart, I can give my future wife the gift of a pure, self-controlled, and faithful husband! I
highly recommend Pureheart!
Tom, age 40
It was in one of our first sessions. Tim asked me how many times I had masturbated in my life. That’s one of
those questions you don’t get very often. I had to stop and think—it took me a while. The grand total? At least 30,000 times—and I am only 40 years-old. I
masturbated 7 times a day for many years right up until the time I stated counseling. Here’s the amazing thing. Since starting with Pureheart I have masturbated 0 times—I
am now in my 9th month of sobriety. Praise God!
Of course, I didn’t just masturbate. I belonged to an extremely dysfunctional family so I learned early on to
escape into sexual sin. I discovered pornography early, and by the time I was a young adult, I had already had a number of affairs with married women. I became a Christian and got
married, and while I stopped sleeping around, I couldn’t break the habit of masturbation and porn. I also developed a habit for many years of taking time off work, drinking
alcohol, and then going to strip clubs or lingerie modeling places. Since I was a Christian, I kept all of this secret; even my wife didn’t know for many years. Here’s the
amazing thing. Since starting with Pureheart, I also have 9 months clean from any kind of alcohol, porn, strip clubs, lingerie shops, or any other sexual sin. My relationship with my
wife has improved dramatically, and I feel like I can finally start to grow again spiritually after living so many years as a hypocrite. I don’t want you to think that my life
is perfect now, I still have some major hurdles to overcome, but in terms of purity, it has been a night and day difference. I thank God for Pureheart!
Howard, age 34
I told my wife what I had been doing. Of course, she was devastated. And angry. We agreed to separate—I moved
across town. I was sure that divorce was on the horizon. Thanks to my sins, my wife, my two girls, and I would become yet another statistic.
I started counseling with Pureheart right around this time—I heard about them through someone at our church. I
told Tim that I didn’t have much hope, but God had made it clear to me that I needed to tell my wife everything—even with the risk of divorce. This was my second time
around in terms of sexual sin, so it was understandable that my wife felt especially betrayed. When I was younger, I had been addicted to alcohol and drugs but I had managed,
basically on my own, to get sober. I couldn’t beat my addiction to porn and sex, however, and so I went to a treatment program in town for sexual addiction. It didn’t
really take—for a variety of reasons. I didn’t remain in accountability after the program was done, nor did I really kick the habit of masturbation. My wife, however,
thought I was clean, and I went back to keeping secrets. Now, years later, I told her the truth. She found out that after a time of sobriety, I had returned to my habits of looking at
porn, and then eventually, going back to lingerie modeling sites and sleeping with prostitutes. Even during this time, however, God spoke to me very clearly, telling me that my only
hope in ever breaking free was to get completely honest. I also knew I needed help.
I have been done with counseling now for a year. I have two years of complete sobriety—no porn, no
masturbation, no affairs, no sleeping with anyone other than my wife. I did have one close call during counseling when I took a trip away from home, but I resisted the temptation by
calling and checking in with my wife and my accountability partners. I continue to meet weekly with a small group of guys who hold me accountable in terms of both purity and spiritual
growth. Miraculously, my wife took me back in—again. Our relationship is better than it has ever been—we hardly even argue anymore (we used to fight all the time). I
can’t thank God enough for a ministry like Pureheart.
Ed, age 28.
I have only been counseling for 5 months, but already I have made some real progress. Even though I grew up in the
church and had a dramatic conversion at age 15, I couldn’t shake the habit of masturbation and porn. I have never slept with a woman but I have spent countless hours looking at
porn. I started with magazines at neighbor’s houses and then pornographic movies on Cable TV. After I was saved, I had several years of purity, but when I went through problems
at my church, I reverted to my old ways, except that by then, I had discovered the Internet. I used to look at hardcore porn and masturbate until I literally vomited from disgust with
what I was looking at—but even that didn’t stop me. My addiction killed my relationship with God and I began to withdraw from relationships, isolating myself even further.
Whenever I would get stressed or had problems at work, I would binge on porn and masturbation. Of course, this only made me feel worse, which led to more binging, and so on.
I found out about Pureheart through the Internet. I now have hope that I can be pure again, my relationship with God
is growing again, and I am renewing friendships with people I haven’t talked to in years. I put a filter on my computer at home and set a rule of no Internet use after midnight
when I get back from work. I was pure for a month and then relapsed into masturbation and porn for several days. I then got more serious about consequences for my behavior and set up
a plan with my accountability partner (my stepbrother). If I masturbate, I owe him $20 and if I look at porn, it’s $30 a pop. My stepbrother was hoping to make lot of money off
me, but so far he has been very disappointed. I now have 3 months and counting entirely porn and masturbation free. My thought life is getting cleaned up as well, and I have real hope
that I learn to walk in constant purity for the rest of my life. I want to be pure so that when I find the right woman, I can be someone who has a habit of purity and not sexual
Bob, age 22
I grew up on the mission field but even there, it was easy to get ensnared in sexual sin. I masturbated for the
first time when I was 12 years old. There was immediate guilt and shame that followed, but it felt too good to stop and I was too scared to tell my parents. I masturbated at least
once a day for the next five years, sometimes more. I didn’t masturbate quite as much when I was 17-22 years old, more like 3 or 4 times a week. That means that in the last ten
years, I’ve masturbated at least 2600 times. I looked at my first porn magazine in a field when I was 12 years old. For the next year, I took bike rides around the neighborhood
every weekend, sometimes for 4 hours at a time, looking for scraps of pornographic magazines and masturbating in the bushes. When I was 15, I started looking at swimsuit models on the
Internet whenever my parents were out of the house. Within a year, I was looking at hardcore Internet porn whenever I got the chance. At 17, I got bored with pictures and started
watching videos online. I didn’t look at Internet porn as frequently when I started attending college (because I assumed the IT department knew what I was looking at), and I
didn’t have the opportunity to masturbate as much since I was normally surrounded by guys in the dorm. However, I would binge during breaks when I was away from school, so my
heart wasn’t changing at all. That’s where I was at before I came to Pureheart.
I was sick of the cycle of shame and guilt that I was going through. I was starting to serve as a youth leader at a
local church, and I felt like a hypocrite since my thought life was such a mess. I had been in three different peer-led accountability groups as a teen, and all of them had disbanded
when we kept failing and eventually hiding our sexual sins. Hearing Tim and Jay speak jolted me awake, and gave me hope that I could really be transformed on the inside.
Pureheart has made standing up against temptation and oppression a reality for me. Instead of just shoving
information down my throat and saying “You should do this,” Pureheart has walked me through step by step, encouraging me to confess routinely to Christian brothers, speak
truth into each other’s lives, pray for each other, and support one another throughout the week. My identity in Christ has been ingrained into me. I now know the difference
between a spiritual attack and a fleshly desire, and how I can practically deal with both. I have cut down masturbation from 3 or 4 times a week to only 1 time a week. I even went 40
days without masturbating at one point (something I have never done before). I went without looking at porn of any kind for 4 months – the longest ever for me. With the support
of my brothers in Pureheart and by God’s grace, I have made it through a one-year engagement without sleeping with my fiancé – something that seemed next to
impossible to me a year ago. None of this has been easy, and I have failed in every area. Yet, the greatest thing I’ve grown in is being able to confess my shortcomings openly
among other Christian men, knowing that I will be accepted, pinned to the wall, challenged, encouraged, and empowered to face another day of overcoming temptation.
Having a trained counselor leading the group who has walked through everything I have and who has overcome the same
temptations I face is one thing distinct about Pureheart. I haven’t seen an accountability group with this quality anywhere else. In comparison to Pureheart, the other
accountability groups that I’ve been a part of were weak in their ability to dig deep and address the heart-issues of sin, shame, and denial.
Thomas, age 57
When I started counseling with Tim, I had little hope. My marriage was completely dead; I felt no affection
for my wife and we hadn’t had sex for over 7 years. I had kept the secret of my addiction to pornography for basically all of our married life. I would buy porn mags and go to
adult bookstores and strip clubs. In the later years of our marriage, I had even started sleeping with prostitutes. I justified my behavior because of the lack of love and sex with my
wife. I also didn’t believe I could ever break free of my addiction, but my wife had caught me looking at porn on the Internet and had given me an ultimatum. Either get free or
I have been counseling with Pureheart over a year now. I have also been active in several men’s recovery
groups, attended conferences on purity, and have read a variety of books relating to getting clean. I am a very different person than the man I was a year ago. Apart from one relapse
in masturbation early on and looking at erotic ads once or twice, I have been clean for the last year. I have 9 months of no porn, no masturbation, no adult bookstores, no
prostitutes, and my thought life has improved dramatically. My relationship with God that had been dead for so many years has now changed, and I am actually enjoying my quiet time
with Him on a daily basis. My wife and I have gone through some seriously hard times over the year, but despite them, we are still together and slowly building a relationship once
again. Best of all, I can tell my two boys that their dad is now living a pure life.
Joe, age 25
I began masturbating when I was very young. It was about the age of eight when I started and my addiction grew
from there. At first I would look at things like lingerie ads in the paper, or find some thing on television that had women scantily clad for a stimulus. Then one late
night I while channel surfing I found a show on public access TV that was all about showing nudity. I became a regular viewer of the show and kept digging my self deeper and
deeper into my addiction. A couple of years after finding the “sex show” on television I get my first computer and in very short order realized that even though I
was under age I could get pornography on line. From that point I no longer had to wait each week or search for some ad in the paper for the stimulus I wanted to masturbate. All
I had to do was log onto the computer and there it was. I spent hours looking at pornographic pictures and videos on the internet. Then I found the dating sites and chat
rooms. I found that there were women out there that were just as addicted to sex as I had become, though I didn’t think of myself as an addict. I began to chat
with women on line and eventually to meet them as well. Through much of this I also had a girl friend, who eventually became my wife, who I was sexually active with but that
knew nothing of my secret addiction.
During the time that I was moving deeper into my addiction I was also leading a double life. I attended
church, spent time with my family and friends. Looking back on those years I can see that I was not really connected to my family or friends. I would spend time with them
but I didn’t really enjoy it. I was just numb inside not feeling much of anything. Worst of all I had NO relationship with God. Sure I went to church and I
could talk about the Bible. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in God, I just didn’t care about God. The only person I felt any connection to was my
girlfriend, who I was sleeping with. Then one day it happened. My girlfriend, now my wife found one of the chat rooms I had gone to on the computer and everything came
out. My wife was obviously hurt. She had caught me looking at pornography in the past and knew that I had slept with another woman once while we were dating and had
temporarily split up. Now I had to tell her that I had slept with a number of women both before and after we were married, women that I had met over the Internet and hooked up
with just to have sex. I promised that it would never happen again and that I would get help to stop doing it. I didn’t. I did try to stop my self and while I
never did sleep with another woman again I could not break myself of looking at porn, masturbating (I was still masturbating 20-40 times a week while having regular sex with my wife),
and even sexual chatting online.
I knew that I needed help to get out but I didn’t really want to get out. True I didn’t want to hurt my
wife or have to deal with another episode like when she caught me before, but I still didn’t want to stop. The thing that finally changed my mind on that was the birth of
my son. I began to truly try to break this habit, that is when I began to think of it as an addiction. I just wasn’t able to do it on my own. I continued to
find myself going back to porn and masturbating. Finally my wife found out I was still involved in porn and gave me an ultimatum. I get clean or she and my son were going to
leave. I remembered that my mother had said she saw these guys on television talking about breaking sexual addiction, and while I was ashamed and didn’t want to have to
tell any one else what was going on I decided to go ahead and try Pureheart.
When I began the Pureheart program the biggest thing I got right away is that it is
possible to break this addiction. That along with reading the “Who am I List” and making myself do the devotions started to make a change in me. It
wasn’t instant though it was fast. I began to want to get free. I found that I started to enjoy reading my Bible and praying. Combine that with basic things
like not using the Internet, and blocking channels on the television that carry content that could be a stimulus I started to move in a positive direction. The biggest thing
that helped me though was finding my accountability partner. At first I was calling him several times a day. The amazing thing, aside from him not getting sick of me is
that it actually helped. When I would have the urge to masturbate or find porn I would call him and we would talk or pray.
Just using the tools and ideas from Pureheart was the best thing I ever did in trying to get out of addiction. Since I
started counseling with Tim (9 months ago), I have masturbated 0 times, looked at erotic material once (I found one of my old porn mags in storage, but I threw it away and did not
relapse), and have been completely faithful to my wife. My thought life has taken longer to get clean, but even that is now night and day different.
I still have a long way to go before I will be the man I really want to be. But I am on the right road now.
I can see myself growing in God. I am connecting with my family on an
emotional level that I don’t ever remember having before. I know that at any time the urge to
masturbate or do any of a number of other things could hit me. I also know how to fight and
defeat those urges and stay headed in the direction I am going.
Phillip, age 39
I have probably had sex over 200 times with different prostitutes—it’s a miracle I didn’t get
AIDS. I was even a pastor once, but completely lost myself in my addiction. I have done about everything there is to do sexually speaking. I lost my job as a pastor, I ruined my
health (reducing myself to basically skin and bones), repeatedly betrayed my wife, and poisoned my family with the toxic spiritual and emotional consequences of my sin. We have
struggled financially ever since I lost my job as pastor and this has caused both my wife and I great stress. I believed that God had given up on me, that my sin was too much, and
that I had lost my salvation because of the things I had done.
I have been in counseling with Pureheart for over 2 years. It has been a long haul and a difficult road back. I am
still numb in many ways, but slowly but surely I am coming back to life. I have not slept with anyone other than my wife for two years. I have relapsed occasionally looking at porn on
the Internet and I struggled for a long time to break the habit of masturbation. I reduced masturbation to once a week for a number of months, going for about 3 months without it and
any porn, but then I relapsed back into my once a week pattern. Currently I have 3 months again clean and I believe I have finally turned a corner on my acting out behavior. We are
now working on the inside stuff that caused me to become addicted in the first place. I know that I still have a lot of work to do, but for the first time in a long time, I can see
light at the end of the tunnel. My relationship with my wife is slowly improving, although there is still a lot work that needs to be done there, and I am praying again, talking to
God about my life. He has recently opened up a new job for me that I am very excited about. I feel like I am the prodigal son—I am not all the way home yet, but I am well on my